Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Postpartum Anxiety

Postpartum Anxiety is very much so a real thing.

I recall reading and hearing about Postpartum Depression before and during my pregnancy. It seemed it was all people really spoke about after their child was born. I honestly thought I would end up depressed and upset after Ryleigh was born and that I would hate her and my new life... because let's face it, there isn't enough talk about exactly what it is and how there are different feelings and thoughts that accompany it. OR that you won't get it at all and instead wind up with anxiety so bad you feel like a racing heart and quick breathing is normal.

During my 6 week PP appointment, I was asked to take a brief survey about my postpartum mental health. Apparently scoring a 19 is not a good thing, because I then found myself with counselors calling my cell phone and an anti-depression / anxiety medication on standby at my local CVS, Lexapro to be exact. Now, I have a legitimate fear of medication side effects... So I feel quite hesitant to take them. I know that I have essentially exhausted trying to talk it out and I can't calm down enough to meditate... And seriously I am a new mom who also works full time; Who has time to meditate? I barely have time to poop! I'd love to exercise but yet again, no time and I cherish the little sleep my daughter allows me to get. So here we are at door number 4 and here I am reading, researching, and hoping I am of those few who report a positive change as well as zero side effects.

I haven't gotten an exact diagnosis as to whether  I have depression as well or just PP Anxiety. Supposedly Lexapro does well with both. Yet, the reviews for using it to treat anxiety are much more common than those who were using it for depression.

I'll do my best to try and post my experience with the Lexapro. For that off chance someone does find my post and is wondering the same thing! All I know for sure is that I am ready to fix this hot mess anxiety I have going on.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

I just want to shower!

It has been quite a bit since the little one was born. We had Ryleigh's check up yesterday. It was supposed to be a 4 week check up, however with the holiday weekend being last week, we had it yesterday instead. At 5 weeks and 4 days old she is now 8 lbs 15 oz and 21 1/4" long. Her birth weight was 5.15 and she was 19" long. It's funny to think that at just over a month old she is weighing what a lot of babies weigh at birth... Essentially there are newborns born today that are bigger than my peanut. lol. But with no concerns from the DR, we are good to go. :-)

As I write this I have been fighting with my daughter about her nap... This has been going on since 9 am since she got me up at 6. It is now 11:30 and she has just now been tricked into taking a nap. Dark living room, baby swing with music and rocking, and the running fan keeping her cool. Every so often she realizes she had fallen asleep and wakes up very suddenly and looks rather offended that she was so easily tricked into a nap. Of course, the real trick is, she was yawning and fussy. But ya know, she's only a month old.

I am loving how alert she is now. She is curious about her surroundings and loves to make eye contact when you're talking to her. So far I haven't gotten an non-reflex smile, but I am hoping that comes soon. Tummy time is quite entertaining to watch and shes responding to turning her head side to side really well when I dangle a noisy toy near her.

Now here are my thoughts of the day:
1, How different my life has been now that I cheer on poops and gas. "Good job!" "Push it out!" "You got this baby girl!" -OMG

2. How can my husband sleep through her screams? I swear if I were a dog you would see my ears go up as soon as the made a tiny squeak, let alone a cry,

3. When the hell will my wedding rings fit again?! I can only get them to my knuckle... Resizing is pricy.

4. That lovely dark line down my now tiger striped stomach... It wasn't cute during the pregnancy and it's not cute now.

5. There needs to be better understanding and support between moms. Apparently bottle feeding and epidurals are work of the devil... Who knew? If you breast feed, good for you! If you breast feed and supplement, Winning your kid is getting the vitamins and nutrients missing from breast milk... Like Vitamin D. You bottle feed? That's great! Baby is probably stays full longer and anyone can feed them! See moms? Be worried when someone isn't feeding their child, not how they are feeding them. And my epidural... I experienced 36 hours of labor pains and was very angry and wanting to cuss out everyone around me... After epidural, pains were gone, I got to talk to people, ask questions, and guess what? 27 minutes of pushing and boom, no vacuum or assistance needed, my baby girl arrived. So,,, Screw you and the screaming horse you rode in on. :P


It's nearing the end of October. Our move is in exactly ONE MONTH! In one month I need to pack, clean, sell, organize, prioritize... And...